Thursday, August 27, 2009

"I'm a traveling man and I've made a lot of stops all over the world..."

So maybe I haven't made a lot of stops all over the world as Ricky Nelson did, but I sure have been all over Taiwan! I'll start with my trip to Kaohsiung, which is where I left off last time.

On Saturday afternoon I headed to Taipei Main Station to catch a bus to Kaohsiung. The HSR gets you from the top of the island to the bottom in an hour and a half, but in my attempt to spend as little money as possible, I decided to take the bus. It's a five-hour ride, but it can actually be quite enjoyable if I make sure to bring my iPod and a book. I'm not a very experienced bus rider, so when I got to the bus station and I heard someone yell "Kaohsiung!", I jumped in the line. She told me I would be on the 12:30 bus and I naturally said that would be fine without stopping to check my watch. I hadn't eaten lunch so I wandered around the station looking for something to take with me, deciding on chicken curry from the Ok-mart since there wasn't much else available. It occurred to me as I was waiting for my curry to be heated that I should check my watch, at which point I discovered it was already 12:34. I ran up to the 4th floor but knew I was already too late, but because I still have my Lawrence student ID with me it was only 40NTD (just a little over 1USD) to reserve a spot on the next bus leaving 20 minutes later. It didn't turn out so bad since I didn't have to pay a huge extra fee and I had time to eat my lunch, but I was a little upset at myself for being so careless with the time. I had paid more for this particular bus than others, which also made me think that I should have shopped around a bit, but as soon as I got on the bus I realized it was worth it. The seats were extra comfy, reclining farther back than most with an extra cushion for your feet, and they even came complete with about 8 different massage settings! There was actually an attendant on the bus who provided us with blankets, snacks, and hot tea and coffee. She also came back to personally notify each passenger when their stop was coming up. Ever since living in Kaohsiung where I took the bus for about a half an hour each way to and from work, I really like taking the bus. I think I like it for the same reason I love driving back home: it gives me time to be alone with my thoughts. I read for a bit, then put on my iPod and drifted off to sleep. When I woke up it seemed that we were fairly close to Kaohsiung, and I kept peeking out the window, eager to see familiar signs that let me know we'd soon be in the city.

As soon as we were downtown, I started to feel an ache. The last time I felt that way was around last October/November when I realized that while all the students had gone back to Lawrence, I would never have another fall there as a student. I suddenly wanted very much to be back in last year, in the same apartment, about to start a new semester of teaching at Wenfu. I wasn't thinking about all the things I'll experience this year in Taipei, only that I was heart-broken to be away from my home in Taiwan.

As soon as I got to the train station, Peiwen and Shenrong were there to pick me up (along with a sleeping Yuki), and they already had a spot picked out for dinner. As I got in the car and we started chatting, it felt like I hadn't been gone that long. We got to the restaurant and ordered noodles, sweet potato rice, and scallop and turnip soup, the specialty. (If you're thinking that the soup sounds disgusting, I would agree, but I must also add that this "turnip" is not at all bitter, and tastes more like a very subtle flavored melon or squash...sound any better?) Yuki had woken up to eat dinner, but she was incredibly shy, just as if she were meeting me again for the first time. She started to talk to me a little more throughout dinner, although she still seemed to be deciding, but by the time we walked next door to have shaved ice for dessert, everything was back to normal.

We were all feeling pretty tired, so we went home after dinner and Peiwen showed me to my room. Yuki came along, climbing onto my bed to show me how comfy it was, and insisted on being the one to hand me the towel that Peiwen had grabbed for me. It was just about 10 o'clock or so, but I was exhausted, and we all went to bed after washing up.

The next morning I got up just as Shengrong and Yuki were bringing breakfast in. After we ate our saobing, a flaky kind of pancake stuffed with egg, tofu, meat, and vegetables, and drank our soybean milk, Peiwen suggested we call Julianna. I hadn't told her I would be coming, hoping to surprise her and avoid making her usually busy weekends even more hectic. She had just woken up right before I called and was shocked to hear from me, especially when I told her I was just down the street at Peiwen's. Steven, her 10-year old son, heard that she was talking to me and rushed over to say hi. He had only a half day of school on Wednesdays and Fridays as a 3rd grade student, so he'd stay in the office with me while Julianna was in class, and we'd play games or talk. Julianna said he had really missed me and was already saying how boring it'd be this year without me there in the office. Julianna and I talked a little bit more and agreed to meet later, after she had helped Steven with his homework. For the rest of the morning Yuki played her MoMo DVD (I believe MoMo is a human-sized caterpillar with 6 human friends who dance and sing with him? her?), showing me all her favorite songs and dances. When she got bored with that, she pulled out books, and Peiwen read to her. Yuki is one of my favorite subjects to photograph and she absolutely loves having her picture taken, so I pulled out my camera and started snapping away. Yuki realized what I was doing and wanted to see them all, so I surprised her by filming her instead. She thought the clip was really cool and asked to watch it again and again.

Shenrong went out to wash the car, and Yuki wandered out after him, giving Peiwen and me a chance to talk--Yuki gets upset when she can't be a part of our conversation, which happens whenever we talk about teaching, even if it's in Chinese. I was really happy to hear that the Fulbright program is going very smoothly this year, and that Peiwen is participating as a co-teacher this year. I was also very happy and equally shocked to hear that the Foundation was using the video of me teaching with Julianna during our mid-year evaluation as a model for co-teaching. There are quite a few logistical changes this year--despite the competitive interviewing process the applicant schools went through, the Bureau decided to have all 20 of them participate in the program. Since there are only 12 ETAs, participant schools have been separated into blocks, with 1 ETA assigned to each block. Therefore, instead of teaching at one school for the entire year, each ETA will work at 1 school for the first semester (or split their time between two schools), and at the partner school for the second semester. This year Wenfu will have an ETA second semester as it is already familiar with the co-teaching program. I also enjoyed hearing a little about each of the ETAs since I will be meeting them next week at the general Fulbright Orientation to be held in Taipei. Last year the Foundation asked ETAs and other grantees who were still in Taiwan to provide any helpful advice they could offer on getting around the island, settling in, and what they could expect in their year teaching in Taiwan. I now have the pleasure of being on the other side this year as a former grantee, and I'm looking forward to seeing some of the others from last year.

When we had all finished up our activities for the morning, we got ready to go to dim sum for lunch. Dim sum is becoming really popular in the States, probably because it's always an experience as snack-style dishes originating from Hong Kong whiz by your table in small carts that you flag down if you see something that you'd like. Common dishes include steamed and fried dumplings, many of which are stuffed with shrimp and leeks, shrimp rolls, steamed buns stuffed with sweet barbeque pork, sticky rice cakes stuffed with sesame paste, and larger dishes of vegetables, roasted duck, etc. For dessert you're likely to eat pudding, cold soups made with coconut and tapioca, and cakes made with red bean and green beans (nothing like the vegetable we eat in the States). It's been a while since I tried something that I thought twice about eating, so I figured it was time I gave in and tried chicken feet. I took the easy way out, taking a piece of the ankle instead of the claw. The flavor was good, but I have never really been a huge fan of eating things off the bone, and the chewy skin and lack of meat was hard to get past. At least I can say I've tried it, and I felt a bit better when Shenrong told me that he doesn't really like to eat them either.

After lunch we went back home and all laid down for an afternoon nap. I was still trying to overcome the time difference, and having woken up in the middle of the night, I was exhausted by that afternoon. I slept for a few hours and when I woke up it was time to eat again! Just as we were finshing dinner, Julianna called to say she'd be over soon. I was happy to see that Steven came with her, and he even gave me a hug, something that is unusual for many Taiwanese children. Julianna had brought me a surprise and wanted me to guess what it was, but Steven was too excited, and blurted out that it was eggplant. Julianna often took me to get my lunch in the last few months of school when the weather was extremely hot, and I would always, always get eggplant. She also brought a delicious vanilla cake with white chocolate and strawberries, and the three of us girls sat around talking about the program this year and my summer at home. We only had a couple of hours together before Julianna had to get home, but we arranged for me to go into Wenfu the next morning before I left to pack my things, and made plans for the next time I visit in a week or two to move Leo to his new home in Taipei.

After Julianna left, Peiwen, Shenrong, Yuki, and I took a walk down the street to the park near their house. Yuki had a great time sliding on the large stone slide, and it gave Peiwen and me more time to talk one-on-one. It had been so nice to spend time with her and Julianna again, and I was incredibly happy to know that things were going so well this year, but it all reminded me of what I would be missing this year. I always knew how special last year was, but I feel 10 times more lucky to have been a part of it now that it's ended. I absolutely loved living in Kaohsiung, but I specifically chose not to stay there so that I would learn to do new things on my own. I knew that it would be impossible to keep the exact same life, so why not push myself the extra distance. I was having a hard time dealing with it at the time, and it was nice to be able to talk to Peiwen about it since she is one of my closest friends from last year. I remember one day last year she called me during the school day and I couldn't return her call until later. I had asked if anything was the matter, if anything needed to be done for school, and she said it was just that she had been having a bad day at school and she always felt better after talking to me. Sunday night was kind of like that for me, and I'm so glad she was there.

We did get to talk for a while, but we had to be careful to let Yuki know we hadn't forgotten about her. At the young age of 3, Yuki is already a great performer; she'd stick her arm straight up and wave when she got to the top of the slide as if to signal to us that she was ready to begin. When she got to the bottom she'd run over and shake our hands like we were fans whom she'd never met before and thank us for coming to support her. She always went to Peiwen first, telling her how pretty she was and that she hoped they could become very good friends, and then she'd turn shyly to me. She'd look back and forth between Peiwen and me and finally ask Peiwen who her friend was. Yuki likes to change her name to match the main characters of her favorite TV shows, and she accordingly calls Peiwen and Shenrong by the names of her character's friends. Although I have spent quite a bit of time with their family, I'm not a routine presence, so Yuki struggled to find a name for me all weekend. That night she told me I could be Keke. It's one of the best nicknames I've ever been given.

When we got home that night Yuki asked when I would be back to Kaohsiung. I told her I wasn't sure but it would be very soon, and she asked if I could live with them again. Peiwen was surprised that she was so direct about telling me that she wanted me to stay; Yuki is always very affectionate, but she often gets shy around anyone other than her parents. I went upstairs to use the computer and she came into the room, pretending to write homework and take tests while I wrote emails and did some budgeting. Peiwen told me I would always be welcome to stay in their home, even if I had my own plans for when I came. Again, it's hard to express how touched I was, and very lucky that not only did I have an invitation to stay, but an invitation to be part of the family while I was there.

I went in to school with Peiwen on Monday morning and it was wonderful. I said hello to the directors and even saw some of my students who were there for summer camps. The principal walked by with one of the Bureau of Education board members, who was more stunned tha the rest to see me there. I hope my presence there in the office that morning on the day the school was preparing to welcome the new ETAs spoke to how important the program is for all parties who participate. Very few of the Bureau members got to see us in action at our schools since the Bureau's focus last year was on English Village, and as a result I think they sometimes doubted our commitment to the program. And while it's true that we were less excited about teaching at English Village, it was only because we saw what an impact we could have at our individual schools because we had the time to foster relationships with our students and the other staff (as opposed to having all 5th graders in the city go to EV where they spend a total of maybe 10 minutes with a foreign teacher who they'll never see again). Principal Huang reminded me to give him a call if I ever needed a ride from the HSR station when I came to Kaohsiung and come back whenever I wanted. Many of them asked if I could stay through the afternoon when the ETAS would visit, but I had to meet Nini to finish boxing up the things I had stored at her house to prepare for the move this weekend.

Peiwen dropped me off at the MRT station so I could meet Nini for lunch and packing. Her mom made delicious curry for lunch, and then supervised our packing. I guess it turns out you always need a mom for these things--she reminded us to write numbers on all of the boxes so that none would go missing during the move. Since my things were already organized, they just needed to be placed in boxes, it was a fairly quick process, and Nini and I went to meet her friends at the Chinese doctor in the afternoon. The doctor listened to their pulse on each of their wrists, asked them questions about how any trouble they might have been having lately based on what he heard, and then wrote a prescription with many different dried flowers, roots, vegetables, etc. that would be measured out and wrapped as large paper packages. Each day they would need to boil the entire contents of one until it produced a certain amount of liquid that they could drink. I tried Chinese medicine last year and struggled with the taste and the texture of the powder that I had to dissolve on my tongue, so I don't go often. (I do really like acupuncture, though--no yucky tastes involved). The consultation with the doctor is free, you only pay for the medicine, so Nini and her friends encouraged me to give it a try. I expected he would tell me that I was in shambles since I was still struggling to find a normal sleep pattern, but he said I'm pretty healthy. He did tell me that it would be better for my body not to eat or drink icy/cold things, but there's no way I'm giving that up.

Nini took me to run a few errands afterward, and we headed to the Cultural Center since I'm most familiar with that area and know exactly where to go. I stopped by 7-11 to use the ATM there since I know it works, and said hi to the clerks who I came to know very well there. While I was talking to one of them, a guard from my old apartment building walked past, and stopped in his tracks when he saw me. I jumped up and down and started waving, and I swear his smile was just as big as mine. He was the guard on duty when I left for the airport, so he welcomed me back and brought me next door. Rebekah, one of this years ETAs, was sitting outside in the courtyard and he insisted on introducing me. She recognized me right away from the teaching video they watched (I couldn't believe it!), and I had heard about her as well since she is the most experienced Chinese learner in the group. We discovered that we have a common acquaintance from Lawrence, and I learned that she's living in my old room! She invited me up to check it out and meet the other 3 roommates who were at home. She was on her way out with Grace, another ETA, and Fonda, who assumed Amanda's position from last year as life coordinator/angel, but it was so nice to meet them that I couldn't help but go up to meet the others. As soon as Kevin answered the door he, too, recognized me, as did Carol and Kelly when they came out from their rooms. It was so nice to meet them--it's hard to explain, but it's sort of like meeting someone who you've never met before but somehow how have a lot in common with. I only talked with Carol for a few minutes before she went to go meet some of the others, but she hugged me when she left, and though it may seem silly, it meant a lot. I told them I'd see them in about a week when we all go to Taipei for the orientation, and I really can't wait to meet the rest of them. Kevin told me I was always welcome to stay and I was incredibly touched.

By the time I left the apartment, the guards had changed shifts and I was able to say hello to my absolute favorite guard from last year (he always teased me about Noah). I realized that I didn't have to be sad about not living in Kaohsiung anymore. I'll always have last year's memories, but even if I had stayed in Kaohsiung, it just wouldn't be the same. It's time for this year's group to experience everything that I loved about being in the program. And I get to look forward to the next time when I'm able to go back to visit some of my favorite people and places.

I was so excited from my time with the ETAs that when I ran around the corner to buy dinner at one of my favorite places, I immediately started blabbing to the two foreigners in front of me. They seemed to fit the descriptions I'd heard of a few others and so I was certain they were ETAs. When I said "You must be two of the new ETAs!" they smiled and the girl laughed, so I just assumed they recognized me too and couldn't believe I just appeared out of nowhere. Well, turns out they are not ETAs (although they were from Milwaukee--it really is a small world), which I learned when I blabbered on and they told me they weren't here with a program. I then had to explain why I was acting so spastic, which probably only made me seem more spastic, and although the guy invited me to have dinner with them, I'm pretty sure the girl was at least a little relieved that I said I couldn't stay. I was still too happy to be embarassed, so I wished them a good year (after telling them what to eat, ha), and then jumped on Nini's scooter so we could head back to catch my bus.

The company with a stop around the corner from Nini's house was running some sort of special, and the ticket was ridiculously cheap. I took my seat, Nini helped cram my overnight bag, dinner, and the fall painting I bought last year that I was taking back to Taipei all around me in the little space that I had, and reminded the bus driver where I was to get off (she always worries). I didn't get back to Taipei until 1am, and I had to go to NTNU the next morning at 8 for registration.

There's still more to tell, but my eyes are starting to blur, and I'm already wearing my glasses, so I know I must be really tried. Tomorrow's the last day of training and it ends a bit earlier, so I'll plan on writing more then.

1: Movin' on up!

After a short summer visit to the States I am back in Taiwan. I arrived at 6:30am this past Tuesday, and thankfully Noah was there to lug my significantly overweight 70-lb bag up and down the steps of the train station (I got away with carrying the 30-lb one!). I managed to haul it backward up the stairs of his apartment building and immediately headed for the shower. I had slept pretty well on the plane, and I was a little disappointed to find that despite feeling exhausted, I wasn’t really ready to sleep. I was very excited to be in Taiwan again, but the unfamiliarity of my first trip from the airport to the train station to the apartment left me feeling a little nervous. I tried to remind myself that although “I’m back”, things will be different for me this year. I no longer have 11 awesome people to share in the experience, and the people and places that I’m most familiar with--the main reason why I was so excited to be back again--are mostly in Kaohsiung. Beginnings always excite me more than they scare me, but the in-between stage is always the most difficult. I hate the in between.

I got right to work planning the details of this coming week; I had nothing scheduled until registration for classes on Tuesday, but my plans to spend the weekend with Noah changed when his visa trip was moved up to Thursday. It turned out to be a great thing, because I called Nini, my host sister from last year, and made plans to go to Kaohsiung this weekend. We have some more packing to do before the movers can take everything on Tuesday (Nini was kind enough to help me move all of my things to her house for storage this summer and has been working with the movers to arrange all the details of the move), and I thought a trip back to Kaohsiung might be a good way to reintroduce myself to Taiwan. I called Peiwen, a co-worker from Wenfu and one of my best friends, to let her know that I would be coming this weekend and would love to see her and Yuki, her adorable little girl. It was so good to hear her voice, and when she asked me to stay with her for the weekend I was thrilled!

By the time Noah came home from work I felt better about knowing what I needed to do and when, and I was more relaxed. We went to a little shop around the corner for a late dinner (one thing that hasn’t changed--it’s nice to have those little bits of consistency), and ate three of my Taiwanese "comfort foods". Of course we needed a little adventure, so Noah looked up the way into the city where my training would be and wanted to take me that night on his scooter so I’d know where to go. We made it about halfway and then realized that the highway we needed to take is closed to scooters, so we drove around the city and gave me a little tour of a few of the more scenic spots. Having had a good first day and feeling better about my plans for the weekend, I worked on tackling the question of getting to Taipei for registration.

Just before I left Taiwan in July, I spent a day in Taipei looking for a new apartment. I immediately loved both the room and the roommates of the first apartment I looked at, and I came back that night to take the room. The dates for registration and training preceded my official move-in date, but my roommates all welcomed me to move some of my things in and crash in the living room if I needed a place to stay. Since I had the invitation, I decided that before I left for Kaohsiung I’d take the HSR (High Speed Rail) to Taipei to drop off my biggest/heaviest piece of luggage, and then pack what I’d need for the other days I would be traveling around. I would come back to Taipei for a day after my visit to Kaohsiung so that I could register for my classes, but then I’d have to go back to Hsinchu (the major city outside of which Noah lives) for my three days of teacher training. So with separate piles for Taipei, Kaohsiung, and Hsinchu, I headed off to Taipei.

I first got to Taipei on Thursday night and was welcomed by Andy, Fanfan, and Yumi, my new roommates. Yumi had plans to say goodbye to some friends who were leaving Taiwan this past weekend and invited me along. I knew I wouldn’t be able to sleep for a while and thought dancing for a few hours might help, so I decided to go. I met a few of her close friends, and even found a good friend in another girl who, like me, was brought along by her friends. The music got better throughout the night and we were having a great time dancing, so we stayed out longer we planned. I thought for sure I would sleep well into the morning, but when I woke up and saw it was only 6am, I realized it would take a few days to shake off the 2-6am sleep schedule. I figured that it was late enough to start the day around 8, so I pulled out a little map of Taipei with a few suggestions of places to see. I found the section located near my neighborhood and decided on an alley with shops selling home goods and decorative pieces that would take me past NTNU (National Taiwan Normal University) where I’ll be studying.

Most of my roommates were at work when I came out from Yumi’s room, but Fanfan’s new teaching position doesn’t start until next week, so we got to know each other a little. She made a great breakfast/early lunch of sautéed beef with onions, carrots, garlic and white rice, and we talked about books and movies that we thought the other might like (she had asked me to bring her back a book by Paulo Coelho who is also one of my favorite authors). After the meal, Fanfan left to accompany her movie-critic friend to a review, and after doing the dishes, I was out of excuses to stay in. I grabbed my little map and headed out to explore my new neighborhood.

The little shortcut Andy showed me to get to the main road is easy enough, and as soon I came out from the ally I saw that there was a MyPhone just across the street. I took it as a good sign since one of the first things on my list to do was pay my phone bill. Having crossed one thing off my list just 5 minutes out the door, I had a little swing in my step and I felt a little more excited. I stopped at the ATM to take out money since I had been unable to do so at another ATM the night before, only to find that my U.S. card still wasn’t working. I’d made sure to let my bank know overseas transactions should be expected, had even called again before I left the apartment that morning, and had never had this problem in Kaohsiung, so I started to get a little nervous. I went to a few more banks with no luck, so I finally went in and asked the very helpful staff about the problem. They all did their very best to refer me to other more international banks, telling me to come back if I still couldn’t manage, and on my way to one of those banks, I found one a few blocks away from my house that can read my card. Relieved that I could pay my tuition and realizing I wasn’t too out of practice, I set out on the wandering part of my day. I passed the Wellcome (yes, with two l's), which Fanfan had told me was the closest grocery store, so I went in to take a look and was very impressed. It has a ton of fresh produce and meat, something that was a little more difficult to find nearby in Kaohsiung. I can also shop for everything else there as well, and it felt so nice to know that I would have a reliable go-to store for the year.

I continued on my way, stopping at the university next to find the building where I’d need to go on Tuesday. I looked for the street I had read about in my map book, but I was having a little trouble finding. I asked for directions a few times, making sure I was heading in the right direction since I seemed to be wandering into neighborhoods, and I stopped to cool off at a small park. It turned out the street wasn’t too far away at all, it just wasn’t the main road that it appeared to be on the map. I found a quaint-looking shop with windows filled with stained-glass lamps, silky-looking pillow covers and other pretty pieces, so I wandered in to have a look. The store owner was very friendly and helped me look through her very interesting collection of teacups and coffee mugs. I decided to buy one each for Yumi and Fanfan since they had been so welcoming and helpful. It was also nice to make my first addition to the apartment’s dinnerware collection.

When I came home, Fanfan came out to ask me about my day and offered to pick up some dinner for us on her way back from an errand. I offered to go with her so that I could see the area for myself and had a couple of hours together to talk about teaching, my time in China, and cultural differences. I had dumplings for dinner, something I was very happy to taste again, and on the walk back she showed me the other Wellcome that’s even closer to home.

When Fanfan and I got back Andy was rocking out to Celine Dion while packing his things, Yumi came back shortly after with her friend who was visiting from Malaysia, and I finally got to meet Danny, the fourth roommate who is coincidentally from Maryland. It was nice to have the kitchen traffic that naturally happens since all rooms branch off from that central room. Andy wanted to go out for a drink, and with half of my things still at Noah’s (including my makeup and most of my going-out outfits), Andy did his best to fix me up. He tried out a Cleopatra look that was a little too much for significantly pale me, and I tried my best to stand still as he attacked me with a mascara wand which he used both to apply my mascara and my “eyeliner”, a very painful process involving scraping the brush against my eyelids and then pulling the mom-move of removing what he didn’t like by licking his thumb and smearing it across my face. When he was satisfied with the final result and I was happy that my eyelids were still intact, we went to Ximen, a favorite outdoor hangout for the city’s young gay population. We chatted with his friends for a while and then headed to Fresh, Andy’s favorite bar. It was pretty empty for a Friday night, but it gave me a chance to talk more with Andy and Vincent, the adorable bartender who happened to be from Kaohsiung! I’m telling you…Kaohsiung is just that great. After my second drink and Andy’s fifth (or something like that), we headed home. On the way to the taxi we stopped at Yoshinoya, the 24-hour fast food Japanese restaurant to get Andy a midnight snack, which he insisted on feeding me in the back of the taxi. Bumpy taxi plus drunken roommate handling chopsticks equals an incredibly fun eating experience!

The long day plus the two-hour chat that followed in Yumi’s room as we settled into our beds helped me sleep a little longer than usual despite the jetlag. As soon as I woke up I got started on this right away, eager to tell you all about what is just the beginning of the second half of my adventures in Taiwan. I was in the middle of writing when I had to leave for Kaohsiung, and since Monday night when I left to go back to Taipei, everything has been a whirlwind. I still have plenty more to tell, but I just finished my first day of teachers' training. I have another long day tomorrow and again on Friday, but now that I am almost completely adjusted to Taiwan time, I am hoping that a good night’s sleep will give me enough energy to finish writing tomorrow. For now I’ll stop here. I’ve added a few of the pictures from my last few days in Taiwan before I left Kaohsiung at the beginning of July until I find my first big photo op!

晚安!Goodnight!